Yes, you are “Bi Enough”

If you mostly like men but you have this one woman or nonbinary person you’re attracted to, yes you are “Bi Enough” to describe yourself as “bi” or “bisexual” but you don’t have to if you don’t want to.

If you mostly like women but there’s this one nonbinary person or man you’re attracted to,  yes you are “Bi Enough” to describe yourself as “bi” or “bisexual” but you don’t have to if you don’t want to.

If you mostly like one gender of people, but the person(s) you’re in a relationship is another gender,  yes you are “Bi Enough” to describe yourself as “bi” or “bisexual” but you don’t have to if you don’t want to.

If you’re in a long term monogamous relationship with someone of your gender and sometimes you have crushes on people of other genders,  yes you are “Bi Enough” to describe yourself as “bi” or “bisexual” but you don’t have to if you don’t want to. Same applies if your partner is a different gender to you and you crush on people of genders different to your partners’.

If you’re asexual and you are romantically attracted to more than one gender of people,  yes you are “Bi Enough” to describe yourself as “bi” but you don’t have to if you don’t want to.

If you’re only sexually attracted to one gender of people and you’re romantically attracted to more than one gender of people,  yes you are “Bi Enough” to describe yourself as “bi” or “bisexual” but you don’t have to if you don’t want to.

If you’re only romantically attracted to one gender of people and you’re sexually attracted to more than one gender of people,  yes you are “Bi Enough” to describe yourself as “bi” or “bisexual” but you don’t have to if you don’t want to.

If you’re sometimes more interested in men than other genders and sometimes more interested in women and sometimes have no gendered preferences and it changes a lot (ie if you’re like me)  yes you are “Bi Enough” to describe yourself as “bi” or “bisexual” but you don’t have to if you don’t want to.

If you’re sexually and/or romantically attracted to people of more than one gender, whether that’s “these 60 or so men and these 3 women” or “this woman and this nonbinary person in particular” or just a feeling you get when you imagine kissing imaginary people of a few different genders,  yes you are “Bi Enough” to describe yourself as “bi” or “bisexual” but you don’t have to if you don’t want to.
Inside or outside of a relationship. No matter your gender. No matter your age. Monogamous or not. Any age. First relationship or fiftieth.
If you are attracted to people who aren’t all the same gender as each other,  yes you are “Bi Enough” to describe yourself as “bi” or “bisexual” but you don’t have to if you don’t want to.

I am bisexual. Other people in my position might call themselves gay or homoflexible or queer or fluid or biromantic homosexual. Or something else! And that’d be okay if that worked better for them. Bisexual works for me.

Another Entry For My “DWP Diary”

Sometimes this blog of mine is just a diary of my interactions with the DWP. I’m even considering going back and tagging such entries “”DWP Diary” for ease of reference.

I got a letter this morning inviting me for a(nother) face-to-face assessment – or Work Capacity Assessment scheduled for three weeks from now. Already I am feeling powerless and scared. I’ve done this before and I know it’ll probably go my way but the potential consequences if it doesn’t are terrifying. If I were to somehow end up in the Work Related Activity group, the results could even be life-threatening. It’s a heck of a huge thing to have to try to keep from thinking about. I got the right award last time. I’ve only got more ill since then. I’ll be being backed up by my boyfriend and by letters showing that I got referred back into long term therapy *partly because my GP and therapist expect my mental health to plummet in response to being reassessed*. Yeah.

I suspect it will all be terrifying and awful and make me very ill… and get the right result because it’s pretty obvious what the result should be.
But nonetheless, the system is set up to put me through this torturous examination of every task I need help with and why and ask me these same questions every couple of years.. quite possibly for the rest of my life.

How can anyone think this is a good idea?

“I’d never date an asexual person” – Guest Post by NeswtQueer

​I hear this a lot. 

“I’d never date an ace person.”

“I’m not sure I could be in a relationship with someone who’s ace…”

“Ace people just aren’t for me.”

Working on raising awareness and creating support in my student community, I’ve heard this from strangers, friends and people I respect. As an ace person, I get it. I understand what you mean. But it always hurts, and here is why.

The problem is that you don’t mean what you say. You mean that sex is an important part of a relationship to you. You mean that you, personally, cannot imagine a relationship working for you if it doesn’t include sex. Often people mean that they cannot imagine a casual relationship without sex. Sex is important to you. That is valid. Everyone experiences relationships differently, and people know what is important to them. It is okay for sex to be important to you in a relationship. However, that is not what you said.

“I would never date an ace person” and “I do not want a relationship without sex” are not synonymous. For one, sexual attraction can have very little to do with the amount of sexual activity a person engages in. You don’t have to be sexually attracted to someone to have sex with them. You don’t even need to be sexually attracted to someone to enjoy having sex with them. Not to even mention the vast amount of ace people who experience sexual attraction rarely or under certain circumstances ­ such as grey­ace or demisexual people.

Would you be willing to have a relationship with someone who may grow to be sexually attracted to you in time? Would you be willing to be in a relationship with someone who was only sexually attracted to you if they felt extremely close to you in that moment? For some people, the answer would now be yes.

Saying that you would never date an ace person seriously hurts. Not necessarily because we want to date you specifically, I personally would never want to date someone who valued sex in a relationship much higher than I do, but just brings echoes of all the acephobic things we’ve heard before. It brings back all the times we’ve been asked whether we can still have relationships, painful visions of when people ask if we’re robots, or plants, every time we hear “Wow, are you even capable of love?”.

“I’d never date an ace person” screams “I believe ace people are lesser due to their identity” and “I think sex is such a fundamental part of humanity that not having sexual attraction makes you less human.”

In future, pick your words carefully. You have every right to know that sex is an important part of a relationship for you, and that you would not want to enter a relationship with sex off the table. However you do not have the right to discriminate against an entire identity which houses a vast amount of people who are all as different and wonderfully unique and diverse as any other.